1. When does it get easier?
2. I should go for a walk.
3. I’m tired.
4. I’m always fucking tired!
5. I want to buy something…
6. [Orders a tarot deck]
7. I mean, if I add up all the alcohol I no longer drink and all the cigarettes I no longer smoke, it’s about the same… right?
8. Ooh, I can change the Substack layout……. [loses 30 mins down that rabbit hole]
9. I need to write my love letter
10. I need to write a blog post
11. I need to ________ [THE LIST IS ENDLESS]
12. I must order flowers for [name redacted]
13. I feel really angry about the coronation.
14. Wait, think about the baby fox. It’s tiny little face!!!!!
15. I’m jealous of [name redacted]’s book deal. Wow, where did that come from?
16. Is it jealousy or envy? What am I making it mean?
17. I could write a book again. Or could I? Could I?? Do I even have the bandwidth?
18. Well, that’s depressing. But would I want to be 30 again?
19. [slips into thought vortex]
20. No I wouldn’t [do I mean that or am I just saying it?] ACTUAL me at 30 was an emotional car crash, I don’t want to be her again. I need to give her some love. I’m always shunning her.
21. It’s easy to love little Susie when she’s a cute 8 year old, but 30 year-old Susannah gets nothing from me.
22. How could I spend more time with her? What could we even do together? Her core pastimes were pining after unavailable men and drinking wine.
24. Did I break my own heart? Is that what’s wrong with it?
25. I don’t want to think about that
26. I have so much to do. I don’t know where to start
27. I’ll write something for Substack.
"Her core pastimes were pining after unavailable men and drinking wine." Yep, that sounds familiar ;-) Loving these thoughts btw, resonating with many of them and the way they meander... xo
I yess I completely get all of this.... My week is feeling very full and overwhelming this week.